Top of the morning to you!

I downed three straight jagermeisters on ice to quell a little upset tummy and then was having trouble focusing on the movie Gilbert kindly had put on for me. He explained he wanted me to understand the way the Stockmarket worked when the crash happened and there was a gfc, or global financial crisis.

In the same vein as “are we there yet?” every time my head fell forward or a gentle tell tale snore escaped, he would ask “are you still awake?” I’d jerk my head up and widen my eyes and say “Yes. I’m just having trouble understanding” where he would give me a further explanation….when Tara phoned. A welcome release I thought, until she informed me I was on speaker phone and the children were waiting …if I could please tell the story about St Patrick.

“Who?”, I asked. “St Patrick Mum. You know, From Ireland” Ahhhh oh yes, ummm well he lived in Ireland and was well loved and, and, he drove. “Mum! Tara stopped me. Can you tell it like a proper story. You know like…once apon a time there was ….”

“Jesus Tara, ummmm. I imagine their cute little faces listening intently. Once apon a time….can we do this another time? I asked. Dad n I are watching a movie”. “No problem Tara replied briskly, byyyeeeee” and swiftly hung up the phone and I was back onto the gfc. Arghhhhhh!

So I got up this morning and realised it was actually St Patrick’s day and why she had asked. Flip what happened to Jan and Feb? I thought as I considered quickly writing the story for the children this afternoon.

So I started writing…Today is St Patrick’s day which was first celebrated in Ireland. Nana Maureen’s family came from Ireland so you know how we are a wonderful mix of many cultures? Well Nana Maureen was JUST Irish.

Her family lived in Southern Ireland and they traveled to New Zealand to live because life in Ireland was very hard. Sometimes they didn’t have enough food to eat and they had to work very hard and long days for almost no pay. In New Zealand they were mostly farming and still working hard, but life was easier and better. They always celebrated St Patrick’s day because it reminded them of home.

Okay that’s too long I thought. Get straight to the point.

Once apon a time there was a boy called Patrick who was stolen from his family and made to work as a slave in Ireland, where God first appeared to him. He escaped and… Hmmmm….backspace backspace!

Once apon a time there was a man called Patrick who went to Ireland to teach the people about Christianity. They were honouring pagan gods of the sea and land, to name a few which Christians don’t like at all. So he very cleverly used the clover leaf to explain to the people there was the trinity. The Father, The son and the Holy Ghost. Hmmmmmm……backspace backspace!

Once apon a time in the fifth century….no, keep it simple…backspace backspace!

Once apon a time there was a boy who had spent some time growing up in Ireland and went back there as a man so he could teach the people about being christians, living good lives and helping each other.

His name was Patrick, (Im guessing, unless he changed his name which they sometimes did). In Ireland the people enjoyed listening to him talking and began to like his way of living and praying to God and soon most of Ireland had become Christians. It is believed that he chased all the snakes out of Ireland! Ahem. Now thats a bit tricky because actually there technically were no snakes in Ireland but its a way of saying he got rid of satan, ummm lots of the demons, ummm bad people, ummm….backspace backspace!

Okay, There was there was this guy called Patrick that people in Ireland loved because he taught them about God and made them realise there was a better way to live. When you see pictures of him you will see he has a snake over one arm or on the ground. The snake kind of symbolises being bad and he has one over his arm because he chased the bad people away. He didn’t actually ‘chase’ them. No, he made them feel not welcome maybe. In his other hand he has a clover leaf to help people understand about God, his Father and the other guy. Don’t ask me about him cause I have no idea how to explain that….

OK. I’m not sure this story telling thing is going to work. Well not about St Patrick anyway. I’ll try and keep it real simple.

Once apon a time there was this cool dude called Patrick. He told lots of stories that helped people understand how to be good people. Because they loved him, after he died they made him a Saint. Which is a Catholic way of remembering someone who was special. When the Irish people went to live in other countries they still wanted to remember him, so the stories about him spread all over the world and now in many many countries he is remembered by wearing green on the day he died. The seventeenth of March every year. Ummmmm cause that was the colour of his robes? Maybe?

PS: don’t ask me about the snake and the clover leaf till you’re ten and we’ll google it then.

Hi Tara, This might be a good book for the kids…

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3 Responses to Top of the morning to you!

  1. renanopolis says:

    Haaaaahahajahaha LOL Mum you are so funny!!!!! First of all, it’s upon. Upon, upon, upon. Second of all, don’t pretend being drunk is a new thing, you were drunk the other night when I called too hahaha! Unless you thought I was Tara and asking about St Patrick with cute kids faces around the edges of a speakerphone hahaha!

    Ahhhh well thanks for giving me a LOL or three, sitting here on public transport this morning with these sour bitches who’ve never smiled in their life for fear of ruining their fresh Botox procedures… Anyway! Haha thanks Mum. Top of the mornin too ya too!! Xxxxx

    • figsforfree says:

      God, no wonder my apon looked funny…and just so you know, my tummy’s better. Thanks for asking. Lol even I laughed out loud when I read it this morning. Haha! My story telling obviously doesn’t lend itself to God stories?

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