…and so we have the ‘now’.

They say we can’t worry about the past, its already happened. We can’t worry about the future, it may never happen, and so we have the now. Well, right now as I write, the air is filled with Jasmine that rambles around the front door, franjipani outside our bedroom window and the magnolia, laden with huge petal layered saucers, heavy with stamen, filling the air as I brush past to put Paddy away each night. There is a lot to be said for a fragranced garden.

The lead up to Christmas is usually smooth family wise, but sometimes fraught with worry work wise. Have we bought enough stock? Is what we bought what people want to buy or will we be left with stuff nobody wants? Is the display appealing enough….among other things.

Well this year we seemed to have hit it on the head as we had a cracker, right to the wire with the last gentlemen shooed out at close on Xmas Eve, happy he had chosen well. I however, had a sickening feeling after being up all the night before, feeling like I might throw up after opening an email that told me there was something waiting in my Dropbox, and as it was secure to put email and password in to access. I stupidly did this on remote as I made tea, popped the toast down and gave the children their morning hugs.

I think I’ve been into dropbox once before. I really had no idea. It seemed sensible that drop box would be secure, As soon as it started to open up something, I had a funny feeling and stopped it. Showed Gilbert who said I was stupid to have done that but we were late and dashed to work. Had one of those fabulously busy days filled with gift wrap paper and excited customers. That night I checked emails and was shocked to read someone had accessed my account from Sth Africa and if it wasn’t me, my security may have been compromised. I woke Gilbert and we began a long process of checking to see what had happened and changing all our passwords. Not that I had listed these passwords in my email but just to be sure. Gilbert set up passwords that are likely to be tougher than getting close to the Crown Jewels. I now have a protected system to get in to find my passwords for everything I do and that is going to be a real pain. It was well past midnight when I lay awake listening to his snoring as I tried to put this into perspective.

I couldn’t believe how stupid I was. I see these things everyday on my work email and delete. If it hadn’t been from someone who writes like that, stilted and without the normal niceties, I would have ignored and deleted, but…distractions, busy day ahead, who knows what made me tap on it.

I agonised over access to my address book and how others who trust me, might do the same and be compromised. I quickly sent off a warning to my address book. Would have been nice to have got one myself, but there you have it. I had read of identity theft. What did I have in five years of emails? I felt sick all day. Actually sick. Ren told me my reaction was because I felt violated, and I did. Someone had entered a private part of my life. Even when I went online that day I felt like I may have been watched and got off. I avoided checking mail and looked sideways at my mini. We no longer had the same bond.

Tara told me I had reacted with ‘high anxiety’ because of a culmination of things and stress can be like that. With my toes still not right I wasn’t getting my daily de-stress in the spa and extra busy with work, we had no days off and no time to garden. The two places where I normally let go. Layers of things to worry about and suddenly it all crashes in a heap. Yes I felt like that too!

Ren told me laughing that I needed to be real. It could have been a machine even. Not a person. What was I worried about? Someone might get into my blog and write what? Silly stuff and people would think I had gone crazy? No. She said forget it. Everyone has opened something stupid sometime. Passwords are in place. Everything is safe. Relax and enjoy Xmas….and so I did.

Some of you will be scoffing. Pretty naive to open it. Yep I agree. Pretty stupid to worry about it so much. Maybe, but I realised how little I understand of this other world out there. I had no idea how to even change a password. So if my identity is stolen and another one of me appears, I will deal with it then. If someone starts writing crazy stuff on my blog, hopefully you will know its not me. I wouldn’t write stupid stuff…Well not often.

…and so we are enjoying the now, our Christmas break, with all the doors thrown open to summer sun and the birds and bees soothing me into afternoon naps on the deck after long leisurely delicious lunches shared around a table laden with the usual. Late afternoons when its still too hot to venture outside are spent on finishing sewing, sorting or reading, and after dinner an hour in the garden so I get all my de-stress activities in to help soothe raw nerves.

Simone made these. Impressive aye! Complements of the season. Take it easy everyone and recharge those batteries. Who knows what will get thrown at us in 2016…

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One Response to …and so we have the ‘now’.

  1. renanopolis says:

    Love this post and I love you Mamamia! Xxx

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