The old scales were hanging around the kitchen, getting under my feet all the time…begging me to hop right up and feel great about how much weight I was losing and I must admit I succumbed on the odd occasion. I jumped on between bag weighing sessions just to make sure I didn’t gain a pound or two while I wasn’t looking. I felt so smug and clever, doing my 10 minutes here and there till the day Wheriko visited and decided to see what she weighed.
“How heavy are you Nanny?”she asked. “Well darling, seeing as you asked…”
Ten minutes later as we chatted around the table I saw her humming as she played with the scales weighing things until finally she called.
“Hey look Nanny, I weigh the same as you!”
“Oh no you won’t darl”, I smiled but then looked in disbelief as SHE DID!
She jolly well had wound the dial right up so she weighed the same as me, and of course the spring popped right off. Gilbert tried and tried but there was no way we were going to get them back working again.
No problem I thought as I went to the cupboard, retrieved Mum’s scales and next morning thought Id just check the pavlova the night before hadn’t made a noticeable difference. I was dumbstruck to see I had put on 3 kilos. OMG! I yelled. How can I put on 3 kilos in a few hours! It didn’t help that nobody else knew or cared how much they weighed so there was nothing to check the scales, when I suddenly remembered my bag had weighed 5 kilos. I fetched it and I’m not sure if I should be happy or gutted but my bag had also put on 3 kilos!
WHAT! It no longer weighed 5 kilos but was now EIGHT! It needed to be 7 & I had been skiting about it weighing just five, but now it was over weight. Bloody hell…those damn scales had been lying all this time. Making me feel slim and clever when all the time my bag was bulging. Suddenly my trousers felt a bit tight. A bit grabby around the hips and thighs.
You never can trust these things I thought as I biffed them into the rubbish bag. I was going to see if I could recycle you I told them, but you can damn well go to the dump!