I was invited to join a boot camp other day. Are you kidding I said? I started my own private one just yesterday. After finding a scrap of paper when tidying up that Simone had written a list of exercises on, I thought maybe I could do them and I’d lose that last few kilos hanging around. So when I woke I said to myself “Get your FAT LAZY ARSE outta that bed and do some exercises!!!”
“Are you talking to me said Gilbert from the ensuite?” ” No dear, just talking to myself, Just going to do some exercises!”
I put shorts and tee on and made my way down to the family room and peered at the list…50 star jumps…Jeepers, thats a lot I thought. Guided by a very good rule of thumb…’first do no harm’, I decided I should do half of the things on the list. After all this was my first day and away I went, Jump, Jump, Jump, Jump, Hah I thought, I’m so fit, this is going to be a breeze! and I did 30 instead 25 just to show myself how fit I was.
Next on the list was 15 stomach crunches. I’m guessing these are sit ups, so I smugly lie down on the floor and start. Crickey these are not so easy. I did 5. It felt like it might do harm, and I had done extra star jumps after all…
Next on the list is 5 press ups. Hah! These I can do. I flipped over and did 3 and make a mental note to do the women’s kind next time.
Next was 10 Triceps. Hmmm, Ive heard that word before. If I knew where triceps were actually located I maybe could figure out what the heck I should do???? Oh well I’ll just miss those for now. After all I did an extra press up.
Next 10 squats. Ahhh. Uhhhmmm, whats the difference between a lunge and a squat? I’ll just do lunges. Must be the same thing. Crickey talk about burn after 5 each side. Is 5 each side 5, or is it 10? Probably 10 aye.
Next is 20 lunges. So they are different! Damn. Well I already did 10 so move onto next one. Thighs still burning by the way. What nit wit would put both those in together. I must tell Simone about that.
Next is 10 rotating planks. What the flip is a rotating plank? I imagine a log of wood, rotating…Its too stupid to even do, so give that one a miss. Mental note to tell Simone that’s silly as well.
Next is 30 second plank. No idea…I just lie still like a plank for 30 seconds while I contemplate how my thighs are going to feel later.
Next is 10 calf raises. Now I know where my calves are so I just go up and down 5 times. That doesn’t hurt at all. Totally COULD’Ve done 10 but I was being sensible and stopped at the 5.
That was it! I headed back up the stairs and Gilbert coming into the kitchen looked at me with a bit of a grin. “What… finished?” he asks. “Yep, I reply. Just being sensible and not overdoing it” I’m so fit. Im not even sweating! I look up at the clock and make a mental note its been 7 minutes. Gee that didn’t take long.
Who needs to go out to do a boot camp I think as I head to the shower. Wahooo! Im gunna be so skinny soon…